قَالَ:Heوَكَانَsaid: And there wasفِيinدَارِthe house ofبَعْضِsomeجِيرَانِهِof his neighborsعُرْسٌa wedding feast
He said: And in the house of some of his neighbors there was a wedding feast,
فَتَجَوَّعَso he went hungryوَلَزِمَand stayedمَنْزِلَهُin his houseطَمَعاًhopingفِيthatأَنْhe wouldيُدْعَى.be invited.
so he went hungry and stayed in his house hoping that he would be invited.
فَلَمَّاWhenتَعَالَىadvancedالنَّهَارُthe dayوَجَاعَand he grew hungryوَلَمْand was notيُدْعَinvited,قَالَ:he said:
When the day advanced and he grew hungry and was not invited, he said:
قَبَّحَMay God make uglyاللَّهُGodهَذَاthisالْخُبْزَ!bread!
May God curse this bread!
وَقَامَAnd he got upإِلَىtoطَعَامٍfoodلَهُhe hadفَقَدَّمَهُand brought it forwardوَجَعَلَand beganيَأْكُلُ.eating.
And he got up to some food of his, brought it forward, and began eating.
فَسَمِعَThen he heardوَقْعَthe knock ofالْبَابِthe doorفَقَالَ:so he said:مَنْWho isهَذَا؟this?
Then he heard the knock of the door, so he said: Who is this?
قَالَ:He said:مِنْFromدَارِthe house ofالْعَرُوسِ.the bride/groom.
He said: From the house of the newlyweds.
قَالَ:He said:اصْبِرْWaitفَدِيتُكَ!may I be your ransom!
He said: Wait, may I be your ransom!
وَدَخَلَAnd he enteredالْخَلَاءَthe lavatoryفَرَمَىand threw upبِجَمِيعِallمَاwhatكَانَhe hadأَكَلَهُeatenوَغَسَلَand washedفَمَهُhis mouthوَخَرَجَand went outإِلَيْهِto himفَقَالَ:and said:
And he entered the lavatory and threw up all that he had eaten, washed his mouth, and went out to him and said:
تَقُولُSaysلَكَto youمَوْلَاتِيmy mistress:أَعِيرُونَاLend usالْهَاوْنَthe mortarسَاعَةً.for an hour.
My mistress says to you: Lend us the mortar for an hour.
فَقَالَ:He said:مُرَّّّّّّّّّّّGoفَأُمُّكَfor your motherوَأُمُّand the mother ofمَوْلَاتِكَyour mistressزَانِيَةٌare adulteressesيَاOابْنَson ofالْفَاعِلَةِ!the fornicatress!
He said: Go, for your mother and the mother of your mistress are adulteresses, O son of the fornicatress!
فَنٌّArt/Genreمِنْهُof itآخَرُanother
Another genre of it:
مَرَّPassedضَرِيرٌa blind manعَلَىbyرَجُلٍa manبَصِيرٍwho had sightفَقَالَ:and said:أَيْنَWhere isالطَّرِيقُ؟the path?
A blind man passed by a sighted man and said: Where is the path?
فَقَالَAnd saidالْبَصِيرُ:the sighted man:خُذْTakeيَمْنَةً.to the right.
The sighted man said: Take to the right.
فَأَخَذَSo he tookيَمْنَةًthe rightفَسَقَطَand fellفِيintoبِئْرٍ.a well.
So he took the right and fell into a well.
فَقَالَSaidالْبَصِيرُ:the sighted man:إِنَّاVerily weلِلَّهِ!belong to God!غَلِطْتُ،I made a mistake,أَرَدْتُI wantedأَنْtoأَقُولَsayيَسْرَةًto the leftفَقُلْتُand I saidيَمْنَةً.to the right.
The sighted man said: Verily we belong to God! I made a mistake, I wanted to say to the left and I said to the right.
فَقَالَSaidالضَّرِيرُthe blind manمِنْfromأَسْفَلِthe bottom ofالْبِئْرِ:the well:وَيْحَكَWoe to you!أَهَذَاIs thisمِنْamongالْغَلَطِthe mistakesالَّذِيwhichيُسْتَقَالُ!can be excused!
The blind man from the bottom of the well said: Woe to you! Is this among the mistakes that can be excused!
قَالَ:He said:وَقِيلَAnd it was saidلِلْعَلَاءِto Al-Alaبْنِson ofعَبْدِAbdulالْكَرِيمِ:Karim:بِكَمْFor how muchاكْتَرَيْتَdid you rentالدَّارَ؟the house?
He said: It was said to Al-Ala bin Abdul Karim: For how much did you rent the house?
فَقَالَ:He said:بِدِينَارَيْنِFor two dinarsوَطَعَامِهِمَا.and their food.
He said: For two dinars and their food.
قَالُوا:They said:وَيْلَكَWoe to you!وَمَاAnd what isطَعَامُهُمَا؟their food?
They said: Woe to you! And what is their food?
فَقَالَ:He said:صَاحِبُThe owner ofالدَّارِthe houseيَأْكُلُeatsمَعِيwith meكُلَّمَاwheneverأَكَلْتُ.I eat.
He said: The owner of the house eats with me whenever I eat.
قَالَ:He said:وَسَمِعَAnd heardأَعْرَابِيٌّa Bedouinإِمَاماًan imamيَقْرَأُ:reciting:إِنَّاVerily WeأَرْسَلْنَاsentنُوحاًNoahإِلَىtoقَوْمِهِ،his people,فَأُرْتِجَand he was tongue-tiedعَلَيْهِupon himفَجَعَلَso he beganيُرَدِّدُrepeatingالْآيَةَ.the verse.
He said: A Bedouin heard an imam reciting: 'Verily We sent Noah to his people,' and he became tongue-tied, so he began repeating the verse.
فَقَالَ:So he said:يَاOهَذَاyouإِنْifلَمْdoes notيَذْهَبْgoنُوحٌNoahفَأَرْسِلْthen sendغَيْرَهُ.someone else.
So he said: O man, if Noah won't go, send someone else.
قَالَ:He said:وَشَرِبَAnd drankأَعْرَابِيٌّa Bedouinوَعَلَىand onيَسَارِهِhis leftابْنٌwas a sonلَهُof hisفَسَقَاهُ.so he gave him to drink.
He said: A Bedouin drank, and on his left was a son of his, so he gave him to drink first.
فَقَالَSaidلَهُto himجَلِيسُهُ:his companion:السُّنَّةُThe Sunnahأَنْis thatتَسْقِيَyou give to drinkمَنْto the oneعَلَىonيَمِينِكَ.your right.
His companion said to him: The Sunnah is that you give to drink to the one on your right.
قَالَ:He said:قَدْI haveعَلِمْتُknownوَلَكِنَّهُbut heأَحَبُّis more belovedإِلَيَّto meمِنَthanالسُّنَّةِ.the Sunnah.
He said: I already knew that, but he is more beloved to me than the Sunnah.
قَالَ:He said:وَقِيلَAnd it was saidلِابْنِto IbnرَوَاحِRawahالطُّفَيْلِيِّ:Al-Tufayli:كَيْفَHow isابْنُكَyour sonهَذَا؟this?
He said: It was said to Ibn Rawah Al-Tufayli: How is this son of yours?
قَالَ:He said:لَيْسَThere is notفِيinالدُّنْيَاthe worldشَيْءٌanythingمِثْلُهُ،like him,سَمِعَhe heardنَادِبَةًa wailing womanخَلْفَbehindجِنَازَةٍa funeralوَهِيَwhile sheتَقُولُ:was saying:
He said: There is nothing in the world like him; he heard a wailing woman behind a funeral while she was saying:
وَسَيِّدَاهُ!O my master!يُذْهَبُHe is being takenبِكَwith youإِلَىtoبَيْتٍa houseلَيْسَthat has notفِيهِin itمَاءٌwaterوَلَاnorطَعَامٌfoodوَلَاnorفِرَاشٌa bedوَلَاnorوِطَاءٌ،a resting place,
'O my master! You are being taken to a house that has in it no water, no food, no bed, no resting place,'
وَلَاnorغِطَاءٌa coverوَلَاnorسِرَاجٌa lampوَلَاnorضِيَاءٌ!light!
'nor a cover, nor a lamp, nor light!'
فَقَالَ:So he said:يَاOأَبَهْfatherيَذْهَبُونَthey are takingبِهِhimإِلَىtoبَيْتِنَا.our house.
So he said: O father, they are taking him to our house.
وَقَالَAnd saidبَعْضُهُمْ:some of them:جَاءَCameجَمَاعَةٌa groupمِنْofأَصْحَابِcompanions ofمَزِيدٍMazinإِلَيْهِto himفَقَالُوا:and said:قُمْGet upبِنَاwith usنَتَنَزَّهْto strollفَإِنَّهُfor it isيَوْمٌa dayطَيِّبٌ.good.
And some of them said: A group of Mazin's companions came to him and said: Get up with us to stroll for it is a good day.
فَقَالَ:He said:هُوَIt isيَوْمُthe day ofأَرْبِعَاءَ.Wednesday.
He said: It is Wednesday.
قَالُوا:They said:فَإِنَّFor indeedفِيهِin itوُلِدَwas bornيُونُسُJonahبْنُson ofمَتَّى،Matta,عَلَيْهِupon himالسَّلَامُ.be peace.
They said: For indeed in it Jonah son of Matta was born, peace be upon him.
فَقَالَ:He said:بِأَبِيMay my father beوَأُمِّي،and motherصَلَّىpeaceاللَّهُof Godعَلَيْهِ،be upon him,لَاnoجَرَمَdoubtأَنَّهُthat heالْتَقَمَهُwas swallowed byالْحُوتُ.the whale.
He said: May my father and mother be ransomed for him, peace of God be upon him, no doubt he was swallowed by the whale.
قَالُوا:They said:نُصِرَWas given victoryفِيهِin itرَسُولُthe Messenger ofاللَّهِ،God,صَلَّىmay Godاللَّهُbless himعَلَيْهِand grant himوَسَلَّمَ.peace.
They said: In it the Messenger of God was granted victory, may God bless him and grant him peace.
قَالَ:He said:أَجَلْYesوَلَكِنْbutبَعْدَafterإِذْwhenزَاغَتِgrew wildالْأَبْصَارُthe eyesوَبَلَغَتِand reachedالْقُلُوبُthe heartsالْحَنَاجِرَthe throatsوَتَظُنُّونَand you were thinkingبِاللَّهِabout Godالظُّنُونَ.various thoughts.
He said: Yes, but after 'when the eyes grew wild and the hearts reached the throats and you were thinking about God various thoughts.'
وَكَانَAnd wasالْحَارِثُAl-Harithبْنُson ofقَيْسٍQaisالْفَزَارِيُّAl-Fazariشَيْخاًan old manأَعْمَىblind
And Al-Harith bin Qais Al-Fazari was a blind old man,
وَكَانَand he hadلَهُa sonابْنٌwho wasشِيعِيٌّShiiteوَابْنَةٌand a daughterحَرُورِيَّةٌwho was Kharijiteوَامْرَأَةٌand a wifeتَرَىwho heldرَأْيَthe view ofالْمُعْتَزِلَةِ،the Mu'tazila,
and he had a Shiite son, a Kharijite daughter, and a wife who held the view of the Mu'tazila,
وَكَانُواand they wereجُلُوساًsittingمَعَهُ،with him,فَقَالَso he placedبِيَدِهِhis handعَلَيْهِمْupon themوَجَسَّهُمْand felt themثُمَّthenقَالَ:said:
and they were sitting with him, so he placed his hand upon them and felt them, then said:
إِنَّIndeedاللَّهَGodجَلَّMajesticوَعَزَّand Mightyيَحْشُرُنِيwill resurrect meوَإِيَّاكُمْand youيَوْمَon the Day ofالْقِيَامَةِResurrectionطَرَائِقَas sectsقِدَداً.divided.
Indeed God, Majestic and Mighty, will resurrect me and you on the Day of Resurrection as divided sects.
وَقَالَAnd saidالْجَاحِظُ:Al-Jahiz:قِيلَIt was saidلِرَجُلٍto a manطَوِيلِwith a longاللِّحْيَةِ:beard:مَاWhat isلَكَthe matter with you thatلَاnotتَأْخُذُyou takeمِنْfromلِحْيَتِكَ؟your beard?
Al-Jahiz said: It was said to a man with a long beard: What is the matter with you that you do not trim your beard?
قَالَ:He said:لِأُصُونَTo protectبِهَاwith itعَرْضِي،my honor,فَإِنَّforالنَّاسَpeopleيَقُولُونَ:say:
He said: To protect my honor with it, for people say:
انْظُرْLookإِلَىatلِحْيَتِهِhis beardكَأَنَّهَاas if it isطَارَةٌ،a tambourine,وَخَلَقَand God createdاللَّهُGodهَذِهِthisاللِّحْيَةَ،beard,
Look at his beard as if it is a tambourine, and God created this beard,
وَلِحْيَتُهُand his beardكَأَنَّهَاis as if it isجَوَالِقٌ،a sack,وَلَاand may Godبَارَكَnot blessاللَّهُGodفِيinهَذِهِthisاللِّحْيَةِ،beard,فَمَاso whyلِيshould Iأَعْرِضُexposeلِشَيْءٍto somethingيَصُونُthat protectsعَرْضِي؟my honor?
and his beard is as if it is a sack, and may God not bless this beard, so why should I expose myself to something that protects my honor?
وَحَدَّثَAnd narratedرَجُلٌa manمِنْfromعَامِرِAmirبْنِson ofلُؤَيٍّLu'ayقَالَ:he said:
And a man from Amir bin Lu'ay narrated, he said:
كَانَThere wasصَبِيٌّa boyمِنَّاamong usتَرَكَleftلَهُfor himأَبُوهُhis fatherغَنَماًsheepوَعَبِيداًand slaves
There was a boy among us whose father left him sheep and slaves,
فَخَرَجَso he went outيَوْماًone dayفَنَظَرَand lookedإِلَىatجَارِيَةٍa slave girlفِيinخِبَائِهَاher tentفَهَوِيَهَاand fell in love with herوَمَالَand inclinedإِلَىtoأُمِّهَاher motherوَسَأَلَهَاand asked herأَنْtoيُزَوِّجَهَاmarry herمِنْهُto him
so he went out one day and looked at a slave girl in her tent and fell in love with her, and inclined to her mother and asked her to marry her to him.
فَقَالَتْ:So she said:حَتَّىUntilأَسْأَلَI askعَنْaboutأَخْلَاقِكَ.your manners.
So she said: Until I ask about your manners.
فَسَأَلَSo he askedعَنْaboutأَكْرَمِthe most nobleالنَّاسِof peopleإِلَيْهَاto herفَدُلَّand he was directedعَلَىtoشَيْخٍan old manكَانَwho wasمَعْرُوفاًknownبِحُسْنِfor goodالْمَحْضَرِ،company,
So he asked about the most noble person to her and was directed to an old man who was known for good company,
فَأَتَاهُso he came to himوَسَلَّمَand greetedعَلَيْهِ.him.
so he came to him and greeted him.
وَقَالَ:And said:مَاWhatجَاءَbroughtبِكَ؟you?فَأَخْبَرَهُ.So he informed him.
He said: What brought you? So he informed him.
فَقَالَ:He said:لَاNoعَلَيْكَharm upon youفَإِنَّforالْعَجُوزَthe old womanغَيْرُwill not beخَارِجَةٍstepping out ofمِنْofرَأْيِيmy opinion
He said: No harm upon you, for the old woman will not depart from my opinion,
فَامْضِso proceedإِلَىtoمَنْزِلِكَyour houseوَأَقِمْand stayيَوْماًa dayأَوْorيَوْمَيْنِtwo daysوَمُرْand commandبِغَنَمِكَyour sheepأَنْtoتُسَاقَbe driven
so proceed to your house and stay a day or two, and command your sheep to be driven
وَنَادِand announceفِيamongأَهْلِكَ:your people:أَمَاWhoeverمَنْwantsأَرَادَtoأَنْmilkيَحْلُبَthen let him comeفَلْيَأْتِنَا،to us,وَدَعْنِيand leave meوَالْأَمْرَ.with the matter.
and announce among your people: Whoever wants to milk, let him come to us, and leave me with the matter.
فَشَاعَSo spreadالْخَبَرُthe newsفَخَرَجَتِand came outالْعَجُوزُthe old womanمَعَwithمَنْthose whoخَرَجَcame outوَالشَّيْخُand the old manمَعَwithالْقَوْمِthe people
So the news spread, and the old woman came out with those who came out, and the old man with the people.
فَنَظَرَHe lookedإِلَىatالشَّابِّthe youthوَقَدْwhileكَانَتِhadالْعَجُوزُthe old womanأَخْبَرَتْهُinformed himبِشَأْنِهِabout his affairفَقَالَ:so he said:هُوَHe isهُوَ!he!
He looked at the youth—while the old woman had informed him about his affair—so he said: He is the one!
فَقَالَتْ:She said:نَعَمْ.Yes.قَالَ:He said:لَقَدْIndeedحُرِمْتَyou were deprived ofحَظَّكَ.your share.
She said: Yes. He said: Indeed you were deprived of your share.
قَالَتْ:She said:إِنِّيIndeed Iأُرِيدُwantأَنْtoأَسْأَلَaskعَنْaboutأَخْلَاقِهِ.his manners.
She said: I want to ask about his manners.
قَالَ:He said:أَنَاIرَبَّيْتُهُ.raised him.
He said: I raised him.
قَالَتْ:She said:فَكَيْفَThen how isلِسَانُهُ؟his tongue?
She said: Then how is his tongue?
قَالَ:He said:خَطِيبُThe orator ofأَهْلِهِhis peopleوَالْمُتَكَلِّمُand the speakerعَنْهُمْ.on their behalf.
He said: The orator of his people and the speaker on their behalf.
قَالَتْ:She said:فَكَيْفَThen how isسَمَاحَتُهُ؟his generosity?
She said: Then how is his generosity?
قَالَ:He said:ثَمَالٌA shelterفِيamongقَوْمِهِhis peopleوَرَبِيعُهُمْ.and their springtime.
He said: A shelter among his people and their springtime.
قَالَتْ:She said:فَكَيْفَThen how isشَجَاعَتُهُ؟his bravery?
She said: Then how is his bravery?
قَالَ:He said:حَامِيProtector ofقَوْمِهِhis peopleوَالدَّافِعُand the defenderعَنْهُمْ.of them.
He said: Protector of his people and the defender of them.
قَالَ:He said:فَطَلَعَThen appearedالْفَتَى،the youth,فَقَالَ:so he said:أَمَاDo you notتَرَيْنَseeمَاhow goodأَحْسَنَisمَاthe wayأَقْبَلَhe approachedمَاhe neitherانْحَنَىbentوَلَاnorانْثَنَى؟swerved?
He said: Then the youth appeared, and he said: Do you not see how wonderfully he approached, neither bending nor swerving?
فَلَمَّاWhenقَرُبَhe drew nearسَلَّمَ،he greeted,فَقَالَ:so he said:مَاHowأَحْسَنَwellمَاheسَلَّمَgreetedمَاhe neitherحَارَhesitatedوَلَاnorثَارَ!flustered!
When he drew near, he greeted, and he said: How well he greeted, neither hesitating nor becoming flustered!
ثُمَّThenاسْتَوَىhe satجَالِساً،upright,فَقَالَ:so he said:مَاHowأَحْسَنَwellمَاheجَلَسَsatمَاhe neitherرَكَعَslouchedوَلَاnorعَجَرَ.humped.
Then he sat upright, and he said: How well he sat, neither slouching nor humping.
قَالَتْ:She said:أَجَلْ.Yes.فَذَهَبَThen he wentيَتَحَرَّكُto moveفَضَرَطَ،and he farted,فَقَالَso saidالشَّيْخُ:the old man:
She said: Yes. Then he moved to get up and accidentally farted, so the old man said:
مَاHowأَحْسَنَwellوَاللَّهِby Godمَاheضَرَطَ!farted!مَاIt wasأَطَنَّهَاneither ringingوَلَاnorأَغَنَّهَاnasalوَلَاnorنَفَخَهَاblownوَلَاnorتَرْْتَرَهَا.rattled.
How well, by God, he farted! It was neither ringing, nor nasal, nor blown, nor rattled.
فَهَضَSo stood upالْفَتَىthe youthخَجِلاً،ashamed,فَقَالَso saidالشَّيْخُ:the old man:مَاHowأَحْسَنَwellوَاللَّهِby Godمَاheنَهَضَstood upمَاhe neitherانْخَتَلَslunk awayوَلَاnorانْفَتَلَ!turned away!
So the youth stood up ashamed, and the old man said: How well, by God, he stood up, neither slinking away nor turning away!
قَالَتِSaidالْعَجُوزُ:the old woman:أَجَلْYesوَاللَّهِby Godفَصِحْso shoutبِهِat himوَرُدَّهُand bring him backفَوَاللَّهِfor by Godلَنُزَوِّجَنَّهُwe will surely marry himوَلَوْeven ifخَرِئَ.he had soiled himself.
The old woman said: Yes by God, so call out to him and bring him back, for by God we will surely marry him to her even if he had soiled himself.
مَحَاسِنُThe beauties ofالْمِزَاحِjoking
The Beauties of Joking